Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
