I can tuck mytits in my pants
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
