maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
