Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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