It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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