Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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