I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
