i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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