I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
do herpes really smell.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
