idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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