Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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