Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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