paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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