nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
