I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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