your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
