The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
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She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
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obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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