Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She bit a glass in half.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
