i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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