cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
