You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
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I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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