So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
