Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
