Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
