No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
