thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
