I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
