The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
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how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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