I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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