I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
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get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
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Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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