i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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