wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
