He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
