Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
