Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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