porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
