it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
