I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
