Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
