I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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