im drinking this country out of the recession.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
