I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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