dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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