i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
