dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
