Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
did i walk over a car last night?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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