I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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