dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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