So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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