haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
