oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
