The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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