he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
