my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
