he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
