I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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