Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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