there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
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I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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