Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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