Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
