The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
