Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
