My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
