I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
