I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
