forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
