Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
