I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize