help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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