dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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